Bright Advice #15: Appreciate the small things.

Today while walking around campus, I managed to trip over my own feet, and drop my books on the floor. However, while others chuckled, this random person stopped what they were doing and helped me gather my things together. Honestly, I did not need the assistance, yet this kind gesture turned my day around.

The gestures you pose to others, whether it be a big favor or something just taking up seconds of your day, can change someone's day. Stop to hold the door, flash a smile at another, or simply just saying 'please' and 'thank you' are small things you can do to help brighten people's days. Some might think this as doing too much or not necessary, but think about it. What I mentioned takes little to no effort, yet helps create a better atmosphere around you - making you more warming and welcoming. We live in a society where things can't be achieved on your own, so learn to be open to others.

Try it. Go out and make someone's day. You might be surprised at what you'll see.

Bright Advice #14: Look around you.

Many of us do the same routines daily. While we do build stress as we go along our days, learn to not overlook the positive aspects that you do have. When your feeling a little down, this is way to maybe just brighten up your day. Nothing wrong with keeping yourself up, right? Know that you are lucky to have specific components of your life to help shape who you are today, whether it be family, friends, or even your health. You should be grateful for the roof over your head and even the meals that you eat each day. We take a lot everyday, but never stop to be thankful for things we do have. A lot of people could only dream of what we take for granted each day. To help yourself feel a little bit more optimistic, stop dwelling on the stressful events for a moment, and appreciate what you got around you. When you see life in a brighter way, it keeps you out of the dumps and your head a little higher, and know that you don't need to be worked up all the time.

Mrs. Brightside: Positive Self-talk.

"There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it’s going to be a butterfly."

Have you ever set a goal for yourself, but are plagued by nagging thoughts that poison your mind with thoughts about how you are not capable for the task and how you simply are not qualified to carry it through? If you have experienced either situations or more, I highly suggest you look into the way you respond to your inner dialogue. Instead of obeying your negative commands, you can use positive self talk to counter the negativity and overcome nearly all, if not most anxious thoughts. Not only are you able to overcome anxious thoughts, but it helps with reducing stress.

Elizabeth Scott wrote an article that provides tips on beginning to learn how to utilize positive self talk in our daily activities.

1.       Notice your patterns

-         Be more sensitive to the problem at hand. You probably do not realize how often you say negative things in your head, think negative thoughts, or how much it affects your experience. But being more aware of the problem and recognizing it is the first step.

2.       Journal Writing

-         Most self help sites recommend writing in a journal, but the point is, find what works best for you individually. The purpose of the journal, is to catch and to notify yourself saying something negative in your mind.

3.       Thought Stopping

-         You can stop your thought mid-stream by saying “stop” either out loud or internally. I had to find myself saying “stop thinking like that, stop doing this, stop, stop, stop.” At times, it would be almost audible for people around me to hear, however, saying it aloud is more powerful because you hear yourself. Having to say it verbally, will make you more aware of how many times you are stopping negative thoughts, and where.

4.       Rubber Band Snap

-         Have you heard of Ivan Pavlov? Another therapeutic trick is to walk around with a rubber band around your wrist, and as you notice negative self talk, snap the rubber-slightly. It will hurt or sting a little, and serve as a slightly negative consequence that will make you both aware of your thoughts and help stop them. In a way this is a form of classical conditioning.

5.       Replace negative statements

-         Instead of basking in a pool of negativity, counterbalance those thoughts with something you are proud of. For example, use “I” statements to reinforce yourself, to build up your damaged self esteem, or even for a source of inner motivation. “I am grateful for my boyfriend/girlfriend, I am beautiful.” Slowly, but surely, you will be able to notice some changes.  Here are some other steps to change your inner dialogue.

o   Milder wording

§  Have you ever been to a hospital and noticed how the nurses and doctors talk about “discomfort” instead of “pain”, “deceased, passed away” instead of “dead”? This is generally done, because “pain” is a much more powerful word and talking about the “pain” level can actually make your experience of it more intense that if you are discussing the “discomfort” level. You can give it a try in your life. In your self-talk, turning more powerful negative words to more neutral ones can actually help neutralize your experience. Instead of using words like “hate” and “angry”, try replacing them with “don’t like, and annoyed”

o   Change negative to neutral or positive

§  If you find yourself mentally complaining about something, rethink your assumptions. Are you assuming something is a negative event when it isn’t? For example, having your plans cancelled last minute can be frustrating and seen as negative, but what you do with your newly freed schedule can be what you make of it. My challenge for you is the next time you find yourself stressing about something or deciding you aren’t ready for the challenge. STOP. RETHINK. And come up with a neutral or positive replacement that boosts your confidence, and increases your level of inner motivation

Ultimately, creating your own kind and supportive thoughts is seen as positive self-talk and affirmation. Affirmations are positive self-talk statements which:

-          Start with “I”

-          Are clear and brief

-          Take place in the present

-          Become more effective with repetition

Take a minute or two from your day and either think or write down your own affirmations. Here are some examples, if you’re stuck:

-          I deserve to feel good

-          I am healthy and strong

-          I have unique abilities and talents

-          I take care of myself

-          I am a good person

-          When something goes wrong, I’ll handle it

My challenge for you is to start practicing positive self-talk. It’s okay to be down in the dumps at times, but try opening up your mind to a new perspective on the situation.

Bright Advice #13: Figure out what your goals and dreams are.

So many people wander aimlessly through life and simply go for whatever small thing they want moment by moment. Instead, decide what your perfect life consists of and begin to put the steps in motion to reach that place. One of the most satisfying things in the world is overcoming a challenge and reaching a goal. We are the happiest when we are growing and working towards something better. When you know what you want to do, it helps bring more meaning and purpose to your life.

Have you ever wondered how others see you?

Do you ever just wonder how others view you? What they think about you? If I were to ask one of your friends, family members, or even co-workers, what they honestly thought about you, how would they answer?

Often people are likely to portray themselves way differently then how others perceive them. However, we have a natural inclination to just assume that other people see things the exact same way as we do – but this is not the case.

At times it can widen one’s perspective when we try to evaluate ourselves from a “third person” point of view. There are 7 key aspects to everyone’s life that are worth viewing from a friend’s viewpoint.

1. Emotionally: The value of every single one of your relationships – whether friends, family, acquaintances – are all affected by the emotional interaction you make with them. Although you may see yourself as sweet and sincere, but do others really feel the same way that you do?

Ask yourself these 3 questions:
a. After being with others, are they emotionally empowered by me, or have I left them with a different feeling?
b. Do others enjoy spending time with me, or do they try to respectfully avoid it whenever possible?
c. Do I like surrounding myself with those that treat me the same way as I treat them?

Are you comfortable with your 3 answers? Now, find someone whom you are close to and listen to their replies. This is not something easy to do; however, the answers can be eye-opening.

2. Values: Does your behavior – actions, habits, language – portray the important values in your life? When others observe you, will they state that your values are clearly shown through your actions, and that you are a good role model to follow? The beliefs that we consider important should be evident in our life. Each person’s life is how he/ she back up their say of being an ethical person. Step back and compare what we claim to be and what we appear to be. This process can be enlightening and self-effacing.

3. Physically: Ok, everybody knows that staying fit is a challenging task, regardless to say, when we get older, it’s only going to get more difficult. With that in mind, ask yourself: “Given my current physical stature, what kind of image do I send to others about the value I place in my own physical conditions?” Note that I did not mention anything about a few extra pounds, or any other particulars you may have. What’s being asked is regarding the respect you have for your own image. Is your image something others can follow as well?

4. Materially: How would others answer about your outlook on money and materialistic things? Where do your views and priorities stand? Are the people in your life more or less important than money? How much money is enough money? This has nothing to do with your financial plans in the future, but rather what impressions you give others via your attitude towards money/ materialistic things.

5. Reasonableness: While engaging in discussions with others, how do you make them feel? Do they get a sense that you are a reasonable person? When things don’t go exactly your way, do you maintain composure? When others dispute your opinions, do they still acknowledge your reasoning being understanding and reasonable? By far, there are too many unreasonable people on this planet. Thus, we should all want to be revered as “The Voice of Reason.”

6. Intellectually: This is not about how smart you are or where you graduated, but the outlook you have on continued learning. Are you someone who appreciates learning new things and making personal improvements? Do others see you as someone who values knowledge from different fields? Learning is trait that provides help to others and also brings meaning to our lives. Learn to love knowledge.

7. Practicality: Do you see the practical value of the six points stated above? To succeed in this life we must learn to integrate all our talents, gifts, and resources. To be sensible and realistic are qualities that makes everything real. Being practical will be the foundation of your life through all the ups and downs that are to come. “Practical wisdom is real wisdom.”

Now seriously consider how others will see you for each section. If any reason you are not satisfied with your findings, then you know what you must improve on. Yea, you might feel a bit discouraged, but once you realize the things you need to work on, there will only be progress from here on out.

On second thought, why should you even care what others think about you? To be real, that’s not even what is important about this article. The main reason is to help you see yourself in a different light. If you care if others see you as nice, sociable, reputable, and other positive traits, then it sure does help to try and see ourselves from their perspective. But in the end, it’s not even for them, it’s for bettering yourself.

Bright Advice #12: Drink water.

Staying hydrated is very important to one's health. Drinking soda adds zero nutritional content; it's like drinking a bag of sugar and syrup in your cup. Rather, replace it with a glass of refreshing water. Although it may taste plain to all you pop lovers, but after a while you'll soon find yourself hooked to it. Also, water helps fill up space in your stomach, thus making you less hungry. Doctors say you should roughly consume about 8 glasses per day, are you getting your daily dose?

Bright Advice #11: Stick and stones.

Many people tend to get riled up when they are called negative names, however there is an easy way to overcome this. Now, if i approached you and called you a tree, would you get mad? If you don't have issues, most likely not. You are not a tree, you are you. Use the same concept here when others call you names. People can be ignorant, rude, and even foolish for making absurd claims towards you, so why get angry? If someone makes a remark where they are right, simply thank them for making it clear and begin working on making that change.

What makes a healthy relationship?

I'll be posting some previous articles just to have everything on the same page. Also, good reminders :]
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Dear Mr. Brightside,
I've been through a lot with my boyfriend of 7 months, but sometimes things don't go the way it should? I don't get the respect I think I deserve and I feel like I've become someone I'm not. Don't get me wrong, he has a good heart and I adore him a lot.. just some things I want to change?
-Anonymous

Thank you for the first question :] Hopefully, you and your significant other are treating each other well, but if you're really unsure, take a step back and think about whether your relationship are hitting these key points:

·         Mutual respect. Does he or she know exactly how cool you are and why? Now, watch out if the answer to the first part is yes but only because you might be acting like someone you’re not. What’s important is that your BF or GF is interested in who you are — for your sense of humor, your interests, etc. When you say you’re not comfortable doing something, does your partner listen and respectfully back off? Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is, and would never push the other’s limits.

·         Good communication. Many people say that men and women speak different languages. Even the phrase “no, nothing’s wrong” has many different meanings depending on who said it. Not understanding the meanings in between the lines can cause stir ups in relationships. What's important is to ask if you're not sure what he or she means, and speak honestly and openly so that the miscommunication is avoided in the first place. Never keep a feeling bottled up because you're afraid it's not what your BF or GF wants to hear or because you worry about sounding silly. And if you need some time to think something through before you're ready to talk about it, the right person will give you some space to do that if you ask for it.

·         Trust. You're talking with a guy from class and your boyfriend walks by. How does he react? Does he lose his composure or does he casually walk on by knowing he has no worries? Jealousy is a natural emotion, thus it is okay to get a little jealous at times. But how a person reacts when feeling jealous is what matters. There's no way you can have a healthy relationship if you don't trust each other.

·         Honesty. This one goes hand-in-hand with trust because it's tough to trust someone when one of you isn't being honest. Have you ever caught your girlfriend in a major lie? Like she told you that she had to work on Friday night but it turned out she was at the movies with her friends? The next time she says she has to work, you'll have a lot more trouble believing her and the trust will be on shaky ground.

·         Support. It's not just in bad times that your partner should support you. Some people are great when your whole world is falling apart but can't take being there when things are going right (and vice versa). In a healthy relationship, your significant other is there with a shoulder to cry on when you find out your parents are getting divorced and to celebrate with you when you get a good mark in school.

·         Fairness/equality. You need to have give-and-take in your relationship, too. Do you take turns choosing which new movie to see? As a couple, do you hang out with your partner's friends as often as you hang out with yours? It's not like you have to keep a running count and make sure things are exactly even, of course. But you'll know if it isn't a pretty fair balance. Things get bad really fast when a relationship turns into a power struggle, with one person fighting to get his or her way all the time.

·         Separate identities. In a healthy relationship, everyone needs to make compromises. But that doesn't mean you should feel like you're losing out on being yourself. When you started going out, you both had your own lives (families, friends, interests, hobbies, etc.) and that shouldn't change. Neither of you should have to pretend to like something you don't, or give up seeing your friends, or drop out of activities you love. And you also should feel free to keep developing new talents or interests, making new friends, and moving forward.

Mrs. Brightside: First and foremost, know thyself.

A very close friend of mine who has always been a positive influence wishes to share some inspirational and self-esteem boosters. She won't be writing as often as I, but she too would love to answer any questions
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What do you know when you know a person? There’s a field out there called personality psychology which entitles the scientific study of the whole person. The whole enchilada! We know that everyone is different, if one person was the same as me, that’d be creepy. But think about it, no one person in this world is the same as you. Yes! YOU! There is no one else like you. You are YOU! Out of the billions of people, you may share some sort of similarities, but not the same.

Imagine you are new to a school. You want to meet new people. Let’s say you like business and marketing. You venture to club meetings and meet a girl named Katie. As the conversation continues, you find out that Katie is working on a marketing advertisement for a new cosmetic product. She shares with you that her father owns a big sales company in the heart of New York City, and her mother a successful Realtor. She is the only child and she discloses that she feels an insurmountable load of pressure on her shoulders to be “just like her father and mother.” Towards the end of the half hour conversation, Katie invites you to a club gathering or celebration with food, dancing, singing, drinking, and laughing. Then, you start to notice a behavior or mood change in Katie. As the night progresses, Katie begins to grow distant—not as expressive, isolated and occupied in her own world, not as sociable. Her friends say that she gets moody and unpredictable, and not to worry about her. After spending a decent amount of time, Katie emerges from the club office and seems less tense. Later on in the night, she inquires about your past, your family, your background, your taste in music, classes you’re taking, whether or not you like your professors, if you like the campus, where you live—you know, the usual stuff people talk about when they’re just getting to know each other. In this period of time, you learn the following things about Katie:

1. She grew up in a comfortable environment. Her father and mother are both successful business people.
2. She strives for perfection
3. She is working on an advertisement project for a new cosmetic product.

How well do you know Katie? After spending an evening with Katie and the club members, you have begun to form some impressions about this young lady. How would you describe her? Well, first, you are sketching a portrait of her personality with the facts you know. Maybe, when you delve deeper, and read between the lines, you might ask, why does she strive for perfection? Is it because she views her parents as perfect role models? Does she feel the tugging need to prove that she can be perfect, like them?

The purpose in sharing a scenario like this, is that first impressions are not accurate impressions. You cannot make conclusions about a person based off first impressions and a short five minute chat. I am not saying to psychoanalyze strangers by talking to them. By all means, get to know people in your class, but for the right reasons. Getting to know someone, within itself, is a beautiful form of art. But above all else, know yourself.

Let’s switch this around, instead of getting to know someone. How well do you know yourself? Dig deeper. Deeper. Dig some more. What are some things you want to work on, need to work on, want to improve? What are your interests? Why do they interest you? Not only are you sketching a personality portrait of yourself, you’re also learning more about you, as a whole unit. Just how you cannot pick and choose which parts of yourself to dispose or to keep, you are you. You are an unique, wonderful creation. Individualistic and special. You have your own life story. In other words, your own life story is an internalized and evolving narrative of yourself that integrates the reconstructed past, perceived present and the anticipated future in order to provide a life with a sense of unity and a purpose. I would love and appreciate it if you would share some of your life stories. Remember, first and foremost, know thyself.

Bright Advice #10: Brighten those gloomy days.

Everyday we all have times where we either truly enjoy or just forget about unknowingly. However, if you make your moments in your day more memorable or have more value, you'll feel more sense of ease and accomplishment. Here are some ways to help you make most of each day.

1. Go for a walk: Spend some time everyday and just follow a path. This walk isn't about where you're going, but rather time to soak up the sun and calm the mind with your surroundings. Grab some fresh air while you take a stroll and just let your mind wander. You may walk the same roads on a regularly, but have you stopped to see whats around you? The things you see could not only brighten up your day, but maybe even inspire you.
2. Doing nice things for others: You encounter so many people everyday - those you associate with, or those you may have noticed, or even some you might never see ever again. Learn to brighten other people's days with something nice. Whether it's taking someone out to eat as a sign of appreciation,  helping someone carry something, or even a simple 'please' and 'thank you', a kind gesture can go a long way. Not only will others see you in a better light, but if you learn how to give when it's not required, it helps build character and self esteem.
3. 15 minutes: In a world of technology, this one might be hard to do. Turn off your phone (at least silence it), dim the room, close your eyes, and get lost in music. Everyone has their own flavor of jams, so choose something to your liking that helps you calm yourself. If you are not in the mood to lounge around, then find a productive hobby. Personally, nothing helps my mind rest more than shooting some ball. The point being, spend those 15 minutes so you feel refreshed, so that when you're done, you're ready to take on anything.
4. Eat something new: Many people eat a small variety of food on the regular basis. Find something that you haven't had in a while or even something new. When trying something out of the ordinary, it not only expands your taste buds, but also keeps you adventurous and spontaneous.
5. Surround yourself with good company: When you are around those you feel most like yourself, you can feel a sense of care-freeness. Live for the moments where you laugh from your stomach. The kind of laugh where it begins to hurt. Spending time laughing and enjoying humor is one of the top ways to relieve that stress and help up your day.

Hello.

Hey guys, sorry about not updating the past two weeks. I started to make some videos, after hearing from some people I should try it out - it's not as easy as I thought and  it's taking longer than I have hoped. However, some of it is done and will be up soon. I've also been currently busy with my Real Estate studies. I'll be taking my RE license test this March. Which brings me to present my other blog.

www.REmadesimple.blogspot.com

This is for me to write down and regurgitate all the information. While I'm at it, you too can learn about real estate.

Have a great day.